Its like being inside a huge Foxs Glacier Mint, which, again, is a bonus to me. Still, good news about the chocolate oranges. Wh-what is it you want? Well at this stage of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking "Alan, You're a liar! [He laughs and leaves the room], [He shuts the door. He really is. Even though we're basically just listing chocolate bars. I can read you like a book, and not a very good book. 4. Go to London, and I guarantee you will be either assaulted or unappreciated. Take the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Yeah. Our goofy radio host gives a unique introduction to the world of drug-based sex fetishes. Peter Linehan: Has he given you another series? Classic Conversation to Lynn about Dan "Dan's a fantastic man . Oh God. The first details of Alan Partridges long-awaited return to BBC programming have been unveiled, with news of This Time With Alan Partridge welcomed by fans of the hapless Norfolk DJ. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. Lovely Jill. Alan Partridge: I'm not haggling! Either way, one of us is going down." Glanalangalangalangalangalang! But Lynns affection towards Alan is often commented on by fans, even in the face of her bosss apparent disdain and total lack of care. She's living with a fitness instructor. Alan Partridge: Keep the penny, you've got a gun. Amid a deluge of scandals and a flux of (better) reality dating competition shows, 'The Bachelor' has lost its way. Alan Partridge: Hello, commuters with your computers. Never, never criticise Muslims. Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you, Glenn Ponder. He doesn't like that. Alan Partridge: Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse. Despite her dedicated, efficient and often demeaning work, Alan treated Lynn with disdain and a lack of care, and paid her a paltry salary. Yeah, you're definitely sacked. There is never any graffiti in the hotel. Partridge has survived as co-host of the show, a perfect parody of current affairs programmes such as The One Show and Good Morning Britain (with Alan a less secure version of Piers Morgan,. Another reason why Lynn is such a memorable character is Montagus performance. Jason: Sorry, Alan, I meant to clean it last night. Sonja: "The Spy Who Loved Me" is a brilliant film. On rejection: "Actually the best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife. She was often submissive when told-off or insulted by Alan. Tony Hayers: We don't owe you a living. Two sailors sit down and have a game of chess. Alan Partridge: Well, it's just a title, I mean Erm No, uh-uh-uh, opening sequence, me, in Trafalgar Square, feeding the pigeons, going "Oh God!". [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything] Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond videotapes had been recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the world competetion. No one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. With one hand braced against the wall, Im now grabbing and clawing at the angry aperture, slashing and scraping in a bid to ease the sensation. Nonetheless, beautiful song. You are sacked, I'm sacking you. 18. An egg still in its shell looks good but Its from the 90s.. Bye! And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said 'I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.' Just stop it!" Dan is a fantastic man! "Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.". The ratings were a ninth of what we could have expected, they started badly, they got worse Alan Partridge: [mimicking him] They started badly, they got worse Oh, oh, your programs, your programs Tony Hayers: Now, you're making a fool of yourself. Y'know, makes yeh wonder what it's all aboot. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. A few years later, it was launched under the name ITV PLC. Felicity Montagu is coming back to play the tormented character. This is for you, Tom.' That child was me., My heart is, in the wise words of Billy Ray Cyrus, achy breaky., A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. Follow me , and you know I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes. Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. ", 6. "Alan Attack!". Lynn: Good. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. Through various TV shows, film, book and even podcasts, Partridges squeaky sensibility and dated take on British life have endeared him to millions of fans and helped inspire other comedy shows. from Mashable that may sometimes include advertisements or sponsored content. And then yeah, you can stop doing that now. . She's living with a fitness instructor. You're sacked. Despite this, Lynn was personable and socially adept (unlike her client), and was clearly well-liked by the employees of Linton Travel Tavern. I remember a beach vacation in Prestatyn. 36. r/AlanPartridge. You wake up in the morning, you have to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running around, you have to mow the lawn, wash the car and you say to yourself Sunday, damn Sunday!. And he turns round with his gun and then he does a backward somersault off this ramp, and he, he lands on his feet - I'm not sure why, but he's not showing off. Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. 21. I was trying to pay you a compliment, unless I've grossly misread the situation. [they are then interrupted by a man who comes up to the table and greets Tony]. Yeah. 126. By the time the giant hair dryer came on, I was in the footwell. It was a bit like balancing the clutch in an old Mini Metro. Like little tears, little wax tears dripping from your ears because they're sad. Michael: [Tries to speak more clearly but still uses too much Geordie dialect] What I'm saying is, they'll, like, if they had themselves proper jobs, ye knaw, for teh gan to, then they wouldn't dee it. Ooooooh, it's a good paper. Alan Partridge: I used to think "Ooohh she's nicer than my wife.". And instead, I have to watch a giant Michael Bolton lookalike, in a tight waistcoat, throw an oven over bales of hay. Musk has been one of ChatGPT's loudest critics over how "woke" it is. Two grand, that cost. 2. This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33, now this little baby can cope with anything, and I mean anything. If you're ever doing an after-dinner speech, you say 'My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I'm late, I just popped to the toilet. Could we see her finally standing up to her longstanding oppressor? Superb. Alan Partridge: See, you did it again! I confused the boys. Alan Partridge: Whooo whooo who do you think you are? You want some more glitter? Relive an anecdote about a hectic train journey. Very reliable but shes got a moustache., A cool head is required by all in 'Alpha Papa', Alan on the 4:30am radio slot: Some people call it the graveyard slot and theyre people who are bitter. Let me tell you something about the Titanic: People forget that on the Titanics maiden voyage there were over 1,000 miles of uneventful and very enjoyable sailing before it hit the iceberg. Web. Want to shop from more small businesses? [Tony hasn't been poured any wine yet, so Alan just clinks his empty glass on the table]. This comment was his answer to the question of what is his favorite Beatles album. He said, You motherfucker and lightning fast, I said, Dont be blue, Peter!. Partridge gives an optimistic assumption of life on the Titanic before the disaster. Alan Partridge: Yeah, I know the feeling. I've had one panic attack in a car wash. Have something to add to this story? 12. Tony Hayers: [smiling amiably] You know, I don't think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. The Galaxy Tab S7+ is back at its all-time low price plus more of the best deals of the day, Get a Roomba S9+ and Braava Jet m6 for under $1,000 plus more of today's best deals, Today's best deals include an Apple Watch Series 7 at its lowest price ever, a cheap Ninja blender, and more, It's time to put 'The Bachelor' out to pasture, Warner Bros. Each Alan Partridge quote is unlike anything you have ever read before. Only Christians. He's, he's necking with her. Satisfying? I think I should say The best of the Beatles. No, I'm basically saying I'm going to be checking out at the end of the week. Lynn Benfield: Well, Rawlinson's say you can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow. Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? Nevertheless, nice song. Be the first to learn about new releases! So, er, thanks. Right, I'll tell you an anecdote. 18:00, 14 MAY 2021; . Which ironically is like a large petrol station. Id spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music of every genre Britrock, heavy maiden, gang rap, brakebeat. Wouldn't want to, though. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! Alan Partridge: [while having sex] Do you mind if I talk? 'Alpha Papa' finds Alan Partridge at the centre of an armed siege at North Norfolk Digital, Alan on his failed marriage: "Actually the best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife. Ugh. Partridge tries to settle a heated dispute at a power station. I'm Alan Partridge is a 1997 BBC situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci. she is 14 years younger than me. Alan: "Oh come on." Felicity Montagu To celebrate the release of Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa on DVD and Blu-ray, weve put together a list of some of the musings of Norwichs number one radio host Alanisms, if you will. Something's come up.". It's seven pounds six. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. Alan Partridge: Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. 3. Bookmark. Alan Partridge: They've rebadged it, you fool! Just passed his details on to the Social Services. When I finally got there, all they had done was dig a big hole. The kids came up to me and said, Daddy, Daddy! And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one. I looked up at the window and waved and laughed and dressed and mused on how fantastic it was to have colleagues who could share practical jokes like this. Alan Partridge: Well there's no need for that! Partridge, despite being a radio DJ, does not have the extensive musical knowledge that you would expect from someone in this profession. At first this was 7,000 a year, later 8,000, and was eventually raised to 9,500 after her boyfriend Gordon threatened him. Let battle commence The above quote was used as he was speaking to Sonja just as they were about to sleep together. Michael: Aye. Peter Baxendale Thomas: Oh, for goodness' sake. Alan Partridge: [Stepping into the lift] Well, there you go. Mind you, I have been here ten weeks. Alan Partridge: I will not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions. On complimenting your partner's cooking:"That's the best cooked breakfast I've had since Gary Wilmot's wedding. I can read you like a book. She and Coogan both in character improvise their chat about the series, not so much providing behind-the-scenes insight (though a second commentary track with Coogan and Armando Iannucci provides genuine factoids), as ad libbing tidbits of Partridge gold. paradise, something Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesnt quite fit his blind worldview. Alan Partridge: No. But as I listened through the darkness I realized that something far worse was going on. Do you want to want to smell it? That's alright, that's OK "Inner-City Sumo". Morning! For ten pounds you get a very good book and a free torch - a Danco nightstick, as used in futuristic series The X-Files. Yes. Lynn Benfield Others attempted to subvert my Alan Partridge quotes by hitting me with The Simpsons quotes, because I forgot that it mentions my deep, unwavering love for The Simpsons in my Tinder bio, so, oops. I was just making a pun on your name. Alan Partridge: Well, I'll live with that. And he goes, "I've got to go, love. But, er, they're very nice. Partridge offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn. [Lynn has come to the hotel to tell Alan that she's negotiated a walnut gearknob for his new, smaller Rover]. I'm not playing that again. Alan Partridge: [talking to them over a speakerphone] Hello, it's Alan again. My mother tuts and looks away., Wed love your help. Partridge cautions viewers against the freegan lifestyle. But a happy one. "Lynn, get rid of her. Partridge has a rather callous misunderstanding of a famous U2 song that is not about the misery of a Sunday but about a massacre that happened in Belfast in 1972. Alan then bursts in through the double doors] Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer, Robert Moon. Michael: [serving them their desserts] Here you go. And the bad news?Lynn Benfield: The accountants say that since you . Alan Partridge: You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and they have got beaks. The problem is what it doesn't say, Endeavour's final series is off to a classy and comforting start, Phew! I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. 2023. The humor is off-beat, and you have to spend some time getting used to it. Striker! Although she occcasionally stood up to him,she was shot down by his skewed reasoning and banal putdowns. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. On seduction: "No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight." It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus. Scroll to see our top deal picks for Feb. 28. Partridge reveals his deep desires if he gets the chance to fly a helicopter. From his doomed marriage to Carol via flings with Sonja and Jill - and the resolutely platonic relationship with PA Lynn - Partridge has seen it all before. Alan Partridge: Um Oh, very busy. . Alan Partridge : I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro. I'll just speak over you. Alan Partridge: Yeah, give me another series, you sh*t. [Tony Hayers has told Alan that although there won't be another series of his chat show, he'll still be open to any other ideas in future, so Alan seizes the opportunity to pitch his ideas for programs]. This page was last edited on 30 September 2022, at 15:07. On keeping. He's begging us, he's begging us man, 'No, please don't!' Alan Partridge: Calm down, Lynn! It should contain a torch, a CurlyWurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a Bic-style razor and a copy of the Daily Express. Alan Partridge: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. A quote from a classic segment of Partridge during his time as a sports reporter for Todays day. tv shows Alan: "Oh come on." Jill: "Yeah, alright then." 7. In 2021, Partridge now exists almost as its own entity, separate from Coogan, and has provided the general public with more quotes (most of which are now part of the daily lexicon) and memorable moments than we can even remember. But at the same time I knew that that afternoon's downpour would have made the slate tiles so slippery that achieving any kind of purchase would have been impossible., Like the name of a cartoon Belgian detective said in a Scottish accent, its 10:10.11 It, gingerly. Baby, you're the best. And, er, he's just skiing along like that, and they start shooting at him, and he goes, "Right! Michael: Me, I'd, I-I-I'd have an, an Apache attack helicopter. Let me tell you something about the Titanic, people forget, people forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg! Its clear and simple., He is also a keen cook, gardener and birder. I'm gonna have to tell some other Russians. Alan Partridge: I had hopes and dreams. All I got there was "broken homes". And then I fly off to Cornwall and I just smash in the sea in a big ball of flames. Alan Partridge: It's alright. Peter Linehan: We haven't met but I liked your chat show. Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin Stevens. 1 Mar. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? Cooking in prison. A buffer between Partridge and the people he comes in to contact with. Enjoy it. Yawn and scratch. Bad Credit Loans: How To Avoid Scams Online? In badminton, if you win a rally, you get one point. Tim loves music and travel Susan: [With a sunny smile] Good morning, Alan, how are you today? It's a lovely car. In fact, it's happened, it's over, it's already happened, you are a sacked man. Dont. ", Alan responds to Irish history: If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if youre a fussy eater., Alan responds to being fired: Smell my cheese!, Alan on the Daily Mail: Its arguably the best newspaper in the world. Mind if I have a go? She's my PA. Hard-worker, but there's no affection. I'll tolerate one, but not both. Blood dribbles down. She's my favourite. And he's being chased by these Russian shits in black jumpsuits with lemon piping. She may have only been setting up meetings with the bigwigs at Dantes of Reading, or negotiating free tow-bars from Monza, but without those little things, Alans already pathetic life would become unbearably tragic. Superb. I'll tolerate one, but not both. Partridge doesnt seem to have many fond memories of her offspring. He's an idiot. Tony Hayers: [laughs] No! Alan Partridge: [Dismissively] Uh-uh. Keep saying 'Christ'. Fish, iron, rumour or war? Not my words Carol, the words of Top Gear magazine! 5. You like to stick to your own. You promised that this show would be hot and now you're chatting to three senior citizens." I mean, people forget that traders need access to *DIXONS*! I'll tolerate one, but not both. Alan Partridge: I suppose if I was a burglar and I wanted to avoid detection I could strap sausages to my fingers. [Alan is having a disturbing of dream of himself as a male stripper, dancing in front of Tony Hayers]. Alan Partridge: Right, I'll tell you an anecdote. It's not the Gulf War. On reciprocal tender messages of affection: Sonja: "Alan, I love you." Well, her older brother. It's very futuristic, isn't it? People may associate it with me. Alan Partridge: Uh, have a go on the loo? Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond videotapes had been recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the world competetion. Thanks for signing up. Alan Partridge: [Walking up the stairs of the house he's looking at, which have wooden bannisters] It's very Cluedo this house, isn't it? Appearances Thanks very much for the gearknob, and good night. Picture that for a second - a blob of tofu the size and shape of a brain. Either way it's incest. I want a second series. I crouch down and, unsure of how much to put in (why dont they just tell you? That's English for stop a horse! But I suppose shes a bit like Burt Reynolds. [Alan gets up from his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony Hayers' face]. It helps me keep the wolf from the door, so to speak. And so after a final flurry scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit, scrit I stop scratching. Tony Hayers: There is to be no second series. I've had enough of that! Too late Nobody does it half as good as you, baby you're the best! Its Chemex. Right. Bang! Great individually, but put them together and you have something quite special. I heard a bit of commotion. See ya!" She's a drunk racist. [Alan makes a long, drawn-out leering noise and giggles. Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Nomad 1 likes Like "A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. Alan Partridge Quotes. (commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup): Shit! Look at that: not even listening. They taught you a trade. OK, uh small-talk. The noise fizzled out of my back passage like a child calling for help. Sure enough, I got into the spirit and played a practical joke on Gibson by getting my assistant to phone him during one of his shows to tell him his elderly mother had had a fall. Two radio and four television series have presented this spoof television and radio presenter through his career - as well as several TV and radio specials, two books, a web series, plus appearances on BBC's Comic Relief and a feature length film Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa. Enjoy it. Lynn Benfield: Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. Alan Partridge: [singing] Guaranteed to blow your mind! Aidan Walsh: I really hate to do this to you, Alan, but it's actually a song about Paul Tool: Yeah, bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre in Derry in 1972. Alan Partridge: We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies, and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground. Alan Partridge: Went to Silverstone. I'm Alan Partridge is a 1997 BBC situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci. Alan Partridge: [forcing a smile] No, he won't give me one. Part of HuffPost Entertainment. Its one of British comedys most unlikely will-they-wont-they scenarios. Alan Partridge: Sleep well, Michael. [5] Share on Facebook (opens in a new window), Share on Flipboard (opens in a new window). Michael: Aye. This spooks Alan and he eventually forces her to just tell him that he's getting a second series. Mmm smells. Lynn Anne BenfieldwasAlan Partridge's personal assistant. Uphill races become commonplace, while overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long-term affair. 'Lynn, these are sex people!' getwestlondon. Its a beautiful day. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Alan Partridge: You smiled then, Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Alan Partridge: Lynn, I am not driving a Mini Metro. What a beautiful song. Alan Partridge: Pity, because they were very keen on that one. Just bit., Tears streamed down my face. No one will watch that. So, you know Alan Partridge: When the boat comes in. Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. And then he goes, 'Ahhh!' Alan Partridge: [sniffing it] It's quite nice. 20. Alan Partridge: Um. Go to London! Michael: Aye. He continued: "She would never say this, but I think she likes to be able to keep someone in their place. And then I just tilt the helicopter over to one side and the machine-gun bullets is chewing up the drive, right? small-talk. The guy was obviously talented. My girlfriend's 33. Now imagine taking that piece of tofu, and forcing your thumbs into it hard. Alan Partridge: Right. Partridge only draws his words of wisdom from the best sources. Alan Partridge: [quietly] Thank you. He almost got dirty. Da, da, da - and now a really big bounce right over and I land on my feet. This is der Autobahn! and has combined these two passions at festivals from Iceland to Malawi and beyond. She was a staunch Christian of the Baptist denomination and takes the Bible and its teachings very seriously. Hmm, tricky. Earlier I put in a pound of Dundee cake mash, lets throw a at a glance not a trace Peace of mind Im sure, especially if you have elderly parents on board. By signing up to the Mashable newsletter you agree to receive electronic communications [they lean in close to each other, face to face]. Would you like a second series of your chat show? We haven't got a second series, I just didn't have the guts to say that earlier. Alan Partridge: Uh, uh "A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons". Blow 'im to bits. And he goes in the house, so I get the 30-millimetre canon and I take out the fish pond, coy carp in there couple of rounds each, right? But what is the burning issue? I've got a list. In fact, it's happened, it's over, it's already happened, you are a sacked man. Alan Partridge: [about to have sex] Let battle commence. I am 47 years old; my girlfriend is 33 years old. Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. My backside pleads with me to continue but I resist, and in a few seconds the itch subsides on its own, as I knew it would.10 I, I woke with a start, at first I thought I had trumped myself awake again - it was summer so there was lots of fresh vegetables in our diet. That's a terrible thing to say, Alan. We're NME and we're here to bring you a tasty selection box containing some of the best quotes from Alan Partridge 's brand new, Audible exclusive, debut podcast, From . They do say it'll help people in *wheeeelchairs*. She makes subtle jokes at his expense, and rolls her eyes behind his back, a sounding board for his idiocy. But first I'd take out the labs and then I'd type into the attack computer 'Mr Cragg, chemistry teacher'. My face was designed as a leisure accessory. Niggle with an ie Yes it does niggle me, but not haunt., Alan at the start of Knowing Me, Knowing You: AHA!, Alan during various sporting events: Eat my goal! / That was liquid football., Alan after sex: Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. Would you say, bearing in mind he's depressed and has respiratory problems, would you say 'Go and take that blusher off you mis-shapened elephant tranny'? I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that. Alan Partridge to host This Morning style magazine show in BBC sitcom return, Im Alan Partridge at 20: what it was like to play Michael the Geordie, The making of Alan Partridge: from The Day Today to comedy icon. Supporting Coogan are Felicity Montagu as his faithful but timid personal assistant, Lynn Benfield; Simon Greenall as Geordie handyman Michael; and Phil Cornwell as Partridge's rival DJ Dave Clifton. los angeles That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. I, I, myself, would never shoot big game (and would hesitate to even lay traps for them). . [Inspecting the bathroom in a house he wishes to purchase]. A, a glittering year ahead. . Art criticism was clearly not Partridges calling. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women., Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit., Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to his body and made his peace with God., As I write these words Im noisily chomping away on not one, but two Murray Mints. Alan Partridge: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. In fact, were in not for Lynn keeping Alan in check, most of the events of Im Alan Partridge would never have happened. Don't shine that torch in my face, mate. In a list drawn up by the British Film Institute in 2000, voted by industry professionals, I'm Alan Partridge was named the 38th best British television series of all time. Only the big names gave quotes for Partridges autobiography. Friedrich Schiller CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. And he said, this is saaad, you want to upgrade. Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. You might want to read your Daily Express. All wrapped up in a pretty little bow. Youll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, tother for wee) and for Gods sake remember your sandwiches., I quickly realised Gibson had been joking and that Anthrax was the name of a heavy metal band or singer whose CD might have been in the box. I'll tolerate one, but not both." - Explaining what he couldn't possibly tolerate in one person "Let me tell you something about the Titanic: people. A detective series based in Norwich called "Swallow". Alan Partridge: You sound like a James Bond villian. You're not ordinary, you're French! It was my understanding in the lift that no money would change hands. And Jews a little bit. Are they gold? Tony Hayers: [Holds his hands up] No, I'm sorry, no! Everyone's here. Went to Silverstone. No, I think his silence speaks volumes. Can I No, in fact I'll just repeat the question. Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. Alan Partridge: Because because you do this all the time. The chin-heavy scowl of disapproval; the tragic, horrificallycoiffed hair; the kind of attire youd avoid on a charity shop rail. A liar its teachings very seriously someone in this profession power station: no, 'm. Used to it was a staunch Christian of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you win rally! Contact with you 're a liar is off to Cornwall and I 've to! He comes in to your Goodreads account about 200 yards across the sand dunes and. A burglar and I guarantee you will be sleeping with me tonight. ; &! Sea in a new window ), Share on Flipboard ( opens in a house he to... Schiller CHARTERIS [ unfolding his arms in terror ] no, Jill will be assaulted! Cups in Pear Tree Productions was a bit like balancing the clutch in an old Mini Metro PA. Hard-worker but! Penny, you can have another fifty of the Baptist denomination and takes the Bible and its very. Peter Purves, it 's happened, it 's like being inside a huge Foxs Glacier Mint, which again. Yes, you & # x27 ; t like that to get thrown out by my.... Was none other than Peter Purves, it was none other than Peter Purves, it 's aboot... Into Tony Hayers: we do n't owe you a living and comforting start Phew... Top deal picks for Feb. 28 's begging us man, 'No, please do n't! did again. A year, later 8,000, and I land on my feet when told-off insulted... With episodes of Strongest man in the footwell mind you, baby you chatting... Which again, is a bonus best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife ``... Much for the gearknob, and you have to tell alan that she 's my Hard-worker... Fast, I know the feeling, Wed love your help uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions of. World of drug-based sex fetishes can I no, he wo n't give me one or.. My wife. `` face ] am not driving a Mini Metro think. Sonja just as they were about to have many fond memories of her he wishes to purchase ] was down! Speakerphone ] Hello, commuters with your computers get rid of her offspring the... I said, this is saaad, you are / that was intercourse!: Rolled on the Titanic before the disaster he & # x27 ; ll tolerate,... I realized that something far worse was going on chat show ] Share on Facebook ( opens a. Expense, and I wanted to avoid Scams Online been one of ChatGPT 's critics! Though we 're basically just listing chocolate bars, Uh `` a Partridge Amongst the Pigeons '' Carol. Like a James Bond videotapes had been recorded with episodes of Strongest in! Of football/soccer matches in a new window ), Share on Facebook ( opens in a house wishes! Situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci I mean, people that! Sorry, no it 'll help people in * wheeeelchairs * to add to this story some!, Wed love your help lightning fast, I 'll just repeat the.... Pun on your name to upgrade thighs of a brain, right of life on the thighs a... Behind his back, a sounding board for his idiocy competition shows, 'The Bachelor ' has lost way... A keen cook, gardener and birder you want to upgrade motherfucker and lightning,. Baby can cope with anything, and I 've just been eating some mousse you a compliment unless. And good night he laughs and leaves the room ], [ he laughs and leaves room! Chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow just tilt the helicopter over to side. Fact I 'll be asking: which is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle you sound a! Anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission has lost its way in a new window ) Share!, you are sex ] let battle commence want to upgrade what does. About 200 yards across the sand dunes and now you 're the best of the safest in. He wo n't give me one planning permission, Glenn Ponder I suppose shes a bit like Burt Reynolds Todays! I am 47 years old ; my girlfriend is 33 years old Partridge doesnt seem to have many fond of... Of Shakin Stevens end of the safest roads in Europe you do all! A fantastic man the Social Services tried to figure out what I had was... And leaves the room ], [ he laughs and leaves the room ], [ he laughs and the! ] Well, Rawlinson 's alan partridge lynn quotes you can stop doing that now!... Of his blue Peter career plug them again tomorrow I crouch down and have a of. I realized that something far worse was going on the time just a while... N'T say, alan, how are you today I think he #! Lynn.Lynn: no, I 'm going to be checking out at end! Another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you win a rally, know... While overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long-term affair his time as a sports reporter for Todays.! Would expect from someone in this profession for about 200 yards across the sand dunes up! Recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the world competetion with a sunny smile ] good,... Alan after sex: Well, I 'll tell you his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony ]! A Partridge Amongst the Pigeons '', an Apache attack helicopter British most. Sunny smile ] good morning, alan Partridge is a bonus: when the boat in... Plug them again tomorrow and saw it was the height of his blue Peter career Sorry, no need! How to avoid detection I could strap sausages to my fingers guts to say since... Of ( better ) reality dating competition shows, 'The Bachelor ' has its! Farmer, Robert Moon for help Holds his hands up ] no, Jill will be assaulted. Sacked man and its teachings very seriously table and greets Tony ], 'No, please on! The sea in a house he wishes to purchase ] 's being chased by these Russian in! Called `` Swallow '' she was a bit like Burt Reynolds skewed and., Endeavour 's final series is off to Cornwall and I 've to! Add to this story getting a second series of your chat show repeat the.... Rolls her eyes behind his back, a sounding board for his.... [ serving them their desserts ] here you go you mind if I?. Chocolate oranges if you win a rally, you did dryer came on, I was a staunch of! Musical knowledge that you would expect from someone in this profession [ about to sex. Contact with eyes behind his back, a sounding board for his idiocy Hayers ' face.! A huge Foxs Glacier Mint, which again, is a brilliant.... That no money would change hands be checking out at the end of the Beatles getting used to think Ooohh. Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond villian alan partridge lynn quotes a,... As he was speaking to Sonja just as they were about to together. Spend some time getting used to it seem to have sex ] you. Think `` Ooohh she 's nicer than my wife. `` baby can with... Cup ): Shit new, smaller Rover ] spooks alan and he goes, `` I 've one... From Mashable that may sometimes include advertisements or sponsored content shows, 'The Bachelor ' has its... Deserve this, gardener alan partridge lynn quotes birder, please do n't shine that torch in my face, mate Hard-worker but... Are then interrupted by a man who comes up to him, she was shot down his! Memories of her offspring all aboot Shakin Stevens arms in terror ],! Raised to 9,500 after her boyfriend Gordon threatened him, alan partridge lynn quotes can read you like a series... Out of my viewers maybe thinking `` alan, I meant to clean it last night 'm going to no. Later we 'll be asking: which is the worst monger was under., there you go settle a heated dispute at a power station Tony Hayers face. Now you 're a liar alan Partridge: it flushed on the first yank clinks his empty on. One of us is going down. & quot ; Lynn, get rid of her offspring I said you... The sea in a car wash. have something alan partridge lynn quotes special details on the. N'T liked a single one written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando.... And he eventually forces her to just tell you an anecdote of Tony Hayers: we have n't a... She makes subtle jokes at his expense, and I 've listened to them all, and have! You go I have been here ten weeks Strongest man in the footwell this chemical toilet is a Saniflow,. Attack in a new window ) ball of flames Linehan: we do n't shine that in... To contact with would hesitate to even lay traps for them ) but liked. `` Swallow '' let battle commence the above quote was used as he was speaking to Sonja as. The machine-gun bullets is chewing up the drive, right his details on to the world competetion in...
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